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Content Warnings: Dissociation, death

Screams, pain, blood and glass swirled into a nauseating collage that wouldn’t release its hold on my senses. The sound of crushed shards rang in my ears, cutting through the roar of everything else. Or was the commotion outside soft? It was hard to tell if the crashes and shouts of the fight beyond the car were close or distant. If I willed my focus hard enough, muscles around my eyes straining, I could make out a small section briefly through the gaping windows. 

Two figures lunged towards each other, clashed in a tangle of light and limbs, then danced apart. One had a rippling cloak hanging over plated body armor that pulsated with a yellow-tinged brightness. Made out of the same ethereal material were two sabres that extended downwards from under the cloak, one in each of the person’s hands. The other had a sleek, form-fitting black bodysuit with pads at the shoulders and elbows that curved backwards, as if the costume itself was a blur. 

My vision spun downwards to the car’s interior, a sharp pain swelling behind my eyes. When I raised them again, all I saw was a maze, cars layered over blurry human shapes. The needle impaling me was ever present, as if the free end was curving to follow where I looked. Flashes of darkening red stains on decaying white cushions popped in and out of focus. It felt like I was upright. Why did the floor keep appearing? 

A wetness sticking to my fingertips brought my attention to hands, groping blindly around the surroundings. I didn’t know what they were touching, lacked control of anything that could help make sense of it. There was a smooth surface that stretched on and on, broken up by damp patches and tiny, edged pieces. Dragging my hands inwards, I felt a faint bump as they hit my legs. I traced my shape up, feeling my clothes get heavier and soggier before hitting something sleek that protruded outwards.

One of Penitent’s pins. That much, I knew. As the world pulsed in nerve-rending flashes, I remembered what I’d been told about his power.

It was suited for killing. He could create giant, sharp projectiles from nothing and send them flying to embed in a surface at the speed of a bullet. 

I’d been hit.

Was I going to die?

A searing pain wiped everything white, like my entire being was forcefully compressed into my left shoulder. I couldn’t move, couldn’t escape.

What had I been thinking about a moment ago?

I tried to moan but all that came out was a rasp that scratched my throat. The world tilted further, the blurry frames of sight and sensations burning as they came in and out of focus. 

“…drey?” 

A voice, somewhere. It swam between the currents of everything else. I couldn’t tell where it came from or what it was saying.

“Audrey! Fuck, f…”

There was a faint recognition of my name. The voice was coming from my left but I wouldn’t turn my head to look. My hand found something and held on, fingers tightening. It was steady, solid. Unlike everything else. Someone was in the car with me.

The realization didn’t worry me, just another piece of the dizzying moments in sequence. A hand on my shoulder and a sharp, continuous pinch above my wound didn’t concern me either.

Gasping, the flashes and scenes pushed together, merging into one and becoming clear. My head rushed and I felt fingers and toes flexing as I looked around me. Penitent’s lavish car had been transformed into a bloodstained cage of twisted metal and ripped upholstery. The front half of the car bent inward where a dent had torn into the hood.

“Thank god- just breathe, Audrey. I’m going to get you out of here.”

Leah’s voice. I turned to look left and saw Oracle’s costume, delicate brushes of blue coloring a sleek bodysuit. Her face was masked by a glassy, dark-tinted sheet that blended into the rest of her helmet. A syringe had been placed down on the leather she was kneeling on, resting above pieces of shattered window. 

“What’s-” my voice still came out dry and damaged. I took a breath, cleared my throat. “What’s happening?”

“Right now, I’m gauzing the wound. Then, I’m going to saw off the piece of Penitent’s pin that’s lodged in the seat so you can move. They’re pretty brittle, thankfully.”

That hadn’t been what I was thinking of. I’d barely even thought of that at all. Actually, how had Leah given me that injection through my shirt? I glanced down, and saw my shirt had been torn open around the pin. A twinge of pain tightened my shoulder as she pressed gauze against torn flesh and layered tape over it. I felt dizzy.

“As for outside…” Leah trailed off as she leaned behind me. I felt hands moving around the dull pain to the back of my shoulder. “There’s a battle raging. Once you can move, I’m taking you to safety. We can treat you properly. You’ll be okay.”

It sounded like she was reassuring herself as much as me. With gauze secured around the exit wound as well, I felt hands retreat as Leah moved to take out a knife. I met her eyes as well as I could through her helmet and nodded. She stopped, mask facing me for a moment. 

“Stay still.” She leaned in towards my back again with the knife. A battle, huh. There hadn’t been an all-out battle between alters in Rosden for years. What were we about to walk into? I felt my weight shift slightly, the force pressing my shoulder backwards lighter. 

“Done. Move slowly, you still need to be careful.”

As I leaned forward, I realized the object I’d been grasping with my hand was Leah’s leg. It was warm, the surface of her costume light and comfortable. How long had my fingers lingered there? Moving forward to crouch on my feet, my hand hung in the empty air as it left the surface before slowly falling to rest at my side. 

“Let’s go,” I said. The piece of Penitent’s pin still embedded in my shoulder and the chaos between the cars surrounding us fell to the background. With Leah here, we needed to do whatever was required to survive. 

“You’re sure?”

“One-hundred percent.”

She nodded and after quickly gathering her things, turned to exit through the side door. Steadying myself, I carefully followed to step outside. 

The change in light blinded me and I winced as downtown Rosden slowly came back into view. It was bright, but only in comparison to the inside of the car. Gray clumps still obscured the sky from view. Where lights and drivers had been among the crowd of cars, there was only abandoned debris now. 

A few cars ahead of us, two costumed men were darting back and forth out of each other’s reach. I’d seen them while I’d been… out of it, but hadn’t been able to recognize them. Armory, a veteran hero, pressed the attack with the armor and weapons of light he could create from nothing. Slipknight, a local villain, was hard to pin down. I didn’t know the exacts of his power, but it let him either create barriers out of thin air or move through it like it was nothing, his black bodysuit vanishing and reappearing as he weaved through cars. 

“Can you walk?” My gaze snapped back to Leah, her shaded mask locked on me. I felt cold metal against my right side and realized I was leaning my uninjured shoulder against the car. My legs wobbled under my weight as I started to ease myself to rest on my feet. 

“Not well.”

“Okay, here.”

Leah moved between the car and I, lifting my right arm to prop my good shoulder on hers. Her left arm wrapped around my back, supporting me to stand. She was a decent bit shorter than me, which made it a little awkward, but it worked. 

“The rest of the heroes are behind us,” Leah’s voice wavered as we shuffled to face the opposite direction of Armory and Slipknight, “you only have so long on the adrenaline I gave you, so we have to move quick.”

I felt trembling with my left arm as it rested across her back. I didn’t know why, but I wasn’t shaking at all.

“I’ve been through worse.” That wasn’t really true, unless you counted mental trauma. Kinda different ball games.

“You’re lying.”

“Yep.”

I felt relief as Leah’s trembling stilled and we started to move.

We were wading into a battlefield, powers flaring wildly across the street. Bulldog was at the frontline for the villains, skin distended and burst open in bloody flaps where bulging red muscle had sprouted free. He was several feet taller than any normal human, encased in pulsing flesh that flexed with his movements. Rather than a face, he had a gaping canine maw lined with fangs and two long slits for eyes. Distant chills ran down my arms as he released screeching, gurgling howls.

Gravity Girl floated in the air a short distance away from Bulldog, a palm extended outwards and cape flowing behind her. The monstrous villain thrashed forward, swollen legs bulging in a curved motion, but only managed to move inches at a time against her power. 

Reflection stood slightly to the side of Gravity Girl, atop a hovering pane of nearly transparent glass. It was slightly curved, images split in small hexagonal sections that made up a dizzying pattern. He was using his shields to contain another villain, but I couldn’t tell who through the distorted view. Reflection glanced over in our direction, eyes meeting mine through a domino mask, before leaning in towards Gravity Girl. 

I saw her nod, a second palm raised to mirror the first. The shields dropped around the villain Reflection had been fighting. I only got to look at Red Alert for a brief second before he was sent flying backwards along with Bulldog, feet raised off the ground and toppling over several cars. Bulldog’s hulking frame flattened the roof of the SUV he landed on, the sound of the crash replaced with a blaring car alarm. I hoped Gravity Girl had checked that there was no one inside.

Leah stopped moving, and I glanced up to see Gravity Girl gently descending down to land a few steps away from us, with Reflection following close behind. 

“Oh.” Gravity Girl spoke with the same distaste as someone who discovered something unpleasant in her food. “The-” A brief pause. “Girl survived.”

“You’re alright! Relatively.” Reflection stepped out to the side of Gravity Girl, a half-step closer than her. “Good job getting her out, Oracle.”

I felt Leah’s back straighten, her chest puffing out slightly at the praise.

“That’s what I need help with- where’s Equilibrium? Audrey’s lost a lot of blood.”

Names were being rattled off that I couldn’t keep up with, especially as a blurry battle flared in the background. I was face to face with two of Rosden’s most celebrated heroes and all I could do was hold on to myself. What would I even say if I wasn’t wounded? The first thing I could think of would be to question the NHA’s priorities or their absence from pro-alterhuman rallies. Those issues seemed so far away.

“Equilibrium’s helping with the civilian retreat, at the white office build-“

A guttural roar cut Reflection off, wet squelches at the edges of the booming sound. Without a word, Gravity Girl rose from the ground, facing an upright Bulldog down the street. 

“Damn. White office building a block down.” Reflection pointed the way. I spotted familiar figures standing outside the building, directing others around. Veil and Bend. “I can help cover you on the way there with my shields, okay?”

The street between here and there was being torn apart. Asphalt had burst outwards around thick, forest green tendrils that thrashed violently. Thorn’s power. I’d heard about them among the industrial district’s villains, but never seen them act on this scale. Ghostly tigers clawed at the roots, slicing up the vines that were trying to grab them. Petting Zoo’s power didn’t seem like it matched up well against Thorn, but she was doing her best to fight.

My body felt utterly still. We were going to walk through that? I couldn’t phrase it in my head as anything but a question.

“Hey,” Reflection said, leveling his face with Leah and mine’s. He gave a genuine smile, warming his tan expression. “You can do this, okay?”

Leah nodded, gave my side a light squeeze. “Yeah. C’mon, Audrey.”

I nodded back. This was it.

Reflection was the first to move, hopping confidently into the open air. A shield materialized under his foot, and he stepped off of it effortlessly, launching himself higher and landing on another pane of his glass. Striding through the air with his own transparent staircase, Leah and I followed with a deliberate walk. 

As we left the cover of a van, further into the fray, one of Thorn’s tendrils exploded out of the street to our side. Chunks of asphalt pelted our legs as the vine coiled to strike. Suddenly, the tendril warped into fractals of itself, halting in place. One of Reflection’s shields held it at bay, the tentacle dispersed evenly through the patterned glass. 

Leah nudged me forward, not hesitating a moment. I suppose she was used to Reflection’s shields and powers like these. I couldn’t imagine ever finding this normal.

The block ahead of us could have stretched a mile with the weakness in my legs. Our destination was clear, reaching the other heroes, a chance to breathe. It only made the trudging pace we took that much more painful. I did my best not to stop as vines exploded from the ground and whipped towards us, following Leah’s lead as the attacks struck Reflection’s lenses harmlessly. I willed the office building into the center of my focus, as if I could reach out and drag myself to it.

A blur sliced through my view, something familiar digging itself into the road only a foot from Leah and I. No. 

It was sleek and dark, slicing into the asphalt like it was butter. Glancing down, it matched the pin still protruding from my shoulder. This time, Leah froze.

“Damnit!” Reflection’s calm tone from before shattered, a hand held to his ear. “Penitent has a vantage point somewhere!”

“I can’t hear anything from him.” Leah’s voice was hoarse as she called up to Reflection.

“Okay. I’ll keep us covered, don’t stop!” 

A row of shields appeared in the air to our left side, obscuring the highrises from view. Leah’s fingers dug into my side, and I could hear her taking sharp breaths. What was wrong with me that all I felt was emptiness? 

We leaned into a brisk pace, teeth gritted as I put more weight on my legs than I knew I should. The edges of my vision blurred, darkened. I shut it out.

“We have an advantage.” Leah said. “Penitent can only aim his projectiles into solid surfaces. It’ll be hard for him to try and fight Reflection in the air.” 

I gave a nod, unsure if Leah could even tell I had. I tried to grasp on to that shard of hope. I tried really hard.

My bare feet pounded against the floor, impact reaching all the way up to my stomach. There was nothing inside to vomit. Air pushed out of my mouth in gasps, eyes finding tile beneath me as I looked down. It stretched endlessly as we moved, squares repeated by squares by squares by squares by squares by squares-

I didn’t feel anyone with me, but couldn’t bring myself to raise my head and look. A biting cold clutched my empty frame in its jaws. I was simultaneously frozen still and in desperate motion, both here and there. Specks of blood began to tint the tile and the sight pierced through everything else. Distant movement continued, and as more of the tile passed beneath me, I realized what I’d seen wasn’t blood, but just a dotted pattern.

A single warm breath rose from my chest, joined by the faint sensation of a hand clutching onto my shirt. What waited above the tile was unthinkable, but I had to face it. C’mon, Audrey, I snarled at myself. I know you can do this. 

The white office building sat at the center of my gaze again as my head rose. It loomed larger than before, close even as the path there was lined by tile. I glanced right and found Leah, utterly focused as we ran. Looking up, Reflection bound through the air above us, his shields covering our route. Echoing pain and weakness still plagued me, but I knew we could make it. Breathing became easier the more I stared into that sliver of hope, standing in place of my worst fears.

Leah’s hand wrenched into my side, halting my forward movement as she suddenly froze. My body burned to keep going, protesting the implosion of momentum. 

“Reflection!” Leah’s scream directed my focus upwards. Darting through the air towards the hero was Slipknight, a flashlight in one gloved hand that directed its glow towards the building across the street. 

Reflection turned around, a pane of warped glass forming between the two. Slipknight tried to angle downwards but his momentum carried him forward, crashing against the edge of the shield. As Slipknight tumbled downwards, Reflection slammed to a halt, colliding with one of the surfaces Slipknight could form from nothing. In that instant, something slim hurdled through the air and connected with Reflection’s still body. 

As the patterned shapes that made up Reflection’s glass faded and shattered, I knew what had happened. Exhaustion was irrelevant. We needed to get off the street now. Leah stared blankly as I turned, and it took dragging for her to follow as I located the closest alleyway.

The image scarred my senses. Polished, white boots with gold accents swinging limply back and forth, hanging in midair. Beads of blood. Growing stains.

I didn’t know how long it took, but building walls flanked Leah and I on either side. One half of the alley was old-fashioned brick, and the other was smooth metal, reaching high above us. An abandoned scaffold leaned against the brick wall, a variety of tools, spare brick and a large bucket full of greasy fluid sitting on it. We couldn’t see the battle from here but the sounds followed us regardless, screams and crumpling cars echoing loudly through the alley.

Leah hadn’t said a word, and I positioned myself to the front of her view. There was nothing I could say, but I could be here. Be present, something to hold on to. 

God, the hope I was holding on to, one that had literally been within sight, vanished and my first thought was helping someone else. It was comical how pathetic I was, yet even the self loathing was a drop in an empty bucket.

The pane of Leah’s helmet slowly rose to face me. No, actually, she was looking over my shoulder. I turned to face the alleyway’s entrance.

Outstretched claws scraped quietly against the brick, etching a trail of white lines with each step closer. Bulldog’s battered flesh jerked violently with gasps of breath. There was no howl this time as narrowed eyes found Leah and I. In its place, a swollen, welted tongue slowly caressed the bony fangs of his mouth, tilted upwards in a grin. 

Immediately, I turned to look behind us. A tall metal fence bisected the alley halfway through, forming an effective dead end. No way out.

“Audrey-” Leah’s voice came from behind me, a small hand grasping my right arm. Without realizing, I’d taken a step towards Bulldog, putting myself between the monster and Leah.

Bulldog inched closer, footsteps uncharacteristically quiet. He placed the fattened rolls of meat he had for toes down first, gingerly lowering his heels to the ground after. With bony shoulders hunched forward, his movements resembled that of a little boy, sneaking around the house at night for a treat. 

I knew I didn’t stand a chance. I knew Reflection had died because of me, that I was next, and Leah after me. If I’d been able to agree to Penitent’s offer in the car, would I have faced any of this? The thought lingered, but I couldn’t, wouldn’t, stand down. My wound had likely left a trail of blood across the street and I didn’t have much left to give. Despite it all, I also knew I was going to fight until the very end.

The lumps of flesh and muscle that made up Bulldog swayed ever closer, within what looked like about ten meters. My power’s drop range. I felt the skin of my neck bend, my fingers curl tight as I turned to find the scaffold, a short distance ahead of Bulldog, still leaning against the aging brick wall. The shape of the bricks was easy to trace, mind following chipped, worn edges. A chill accompanied the usual buzz of weight on my nerves as several bricks nestled themselves into a dark place past my brain that still confused me. 

I noticed Bulldog flexing his arms as he continued to move, bulging like a fleshy bag of marbles. My focus was above him though, a good distance over his head. With a mental push, the first of the bricks appeared from my pocket, tumbling downward as gravity resumed its work to connect with the side of Bulldog’s swollen head. He staggered briefly, pausing his adolescent creep. I dropped another brick to strike the same spot on his head, helped by his halted movement. Bulldog’s head jerked to the side in reaction, and I saw blood welling in the taut flesh, marking it a deeper crimson than the rest. As I repeated the attack a third time, the sound as it connected a cross between a clunk and a squelch, Bulldog’s jaw hung open. A guttural hacking noise, wet and hoarse, bounded outwards to fill the alley. There were plenty of bricks left on the scaffold. If I kept this up, I could delay him enough or incapacitate-

The noise abruptly stopped. Bulldog’s chest heaved as he took a confident hop forward, as if nothing had even been a bother. Laughter. It hadn’t been coughing. It was laughter. Bulldog’s hop had almost brought us within his reach, and I stumbled backwards, narrowly avoiding Leah as she did the same.

“I can’t hear any problems from him.” Leah spoke firm, but quietly. “He’s having fun.”

Great. I was nearly out of time to come up with something. Bulldog’s flesh was too thick to be battered- he’d stood up right after Gravity Girl launched him, I should’ve known. I needed something that could get through his layers, a gas or something sharp-

I glanced down, an idea forming. One that Leah likely wouldn’t approve of, if she was listening. 

Fuck it. 

Gaze finding the scaffold again, Bulldog stepping closer in the corner of my eye, I hurriedly traced the bucket of grease. A shiver racked my bones as it entered my “pocket”, attention snapping to Bulldog’s disgusting feet as I willed myself to stay still long enough to finish this. You’re a strong bastard, but you can still slip, can’t you? The question was swiftly answered as the grease spilled, flowing over the ground, and Bulldog’s towering form began to tilt forward.

Moving quickly, I looked down, finding what had sparked this plan to begin with. Penitent’s needle. Framing it in my mind was easy. I couldn’t forget how it appeared, in my flesh or Reflection’s. Steeling myself with a sharp exhale, the pin blurred out of existence. Blood roared through my body, pain erupting in my shoulder as Bulldog toppled forward in freefall. This is it, hold on! Finding the right spot, I pushed outwards and the needle blurred back into existence, sharp side upwards a split second before it was covered by a mass of Bulldog’s flesh.

The strength left my body as soon as Bulldog collided with the ground, ears only picking up a faint crash. Darkness clouded the edges of my vision and my legs slid away, unable to carry me any longer. I didn’t hit the ground, something else struggling to grab my sides, keep me upright. What was insignificant, my focus only on the prone form of Bulldog, a foot or two away from me. I begged, prayed, to what I don’t know, that he wasn’t getting back up.

Tension slipped away as I spotted a thin, sharp protrusion in the back of Bulldog’s neck. Penitent’s pin, coated red with blood. Twitches infested Bulldog’s muscles, desperate, grasping at nothing as everything slipped away. The throes of death. 

“Au…” A muffled voice. “...drey, plea…”

Right, Leah. She’d be safe now, whichever way the battle ended.

“Sh… …libri…”

At what point was it that something like this became capable of me? Would the Audrey of two weeks ago even thought it possible? 

From record spines brushing against my fingertips, alone and angry in my apartment, to bleeding out to protect people I barely knew. I realized I was glad I’d risked peeking over the walls built up in my mind.

I could almost smile as the world spun out of focus. There wasn’t any bathroom or fresh horror to face as a reward for all my fighting. Only nothingness. 

The darkness was a distant comfort as it swallowed me.