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Knocking stirred me from my daze, attention darting from the gap between the couch cushions to my apartment door. With a quick exhale to steady my breathing and a hand swipe to fix my hair, I rose to my feet. A glance at the living area’s window confirmed the sky was still overcast today, a carpet of dark gray threatening a downpour. It stifled natural light from touching the apartment, rendering the usually cozy space lifeless.

The record shelf was clean and tidy, and my feet were rooted in place as I stared at my collection. Even in this drab light I could make out the distinct colors and designs from the covers, pressed tightly against each other into an unorganized collage. I’d never felt any desire to organize them by title, genre or anything else. The records were in the order that I’d placed them, nothing else. I found a small comfort in that fact, even if it might be the last time I got to look at them. 

I directed my gaze forward again, towards the door and the person who would be waiting behind it. My clothes felt tight, shirt pressing to my chest and collar near my throat. With each step I sunk deeper into the unknown, where the threshold of that bathroom was waiting. Nerves bristled under my skin, bracing for impact. At any moment I could feel the sensation of tile against my feet. 

Reaching the front door, my hand curled around the knob. I couldn’t tell if the cold was from the metal or just me. With a strained, deep breath, I opened the door to face whatever came next.

A gentle smile faced me back. Flowing, swept back hair framed the Representative’s face, and I caught a whiff of vanilla from his cologne. Today he wore a formal, light yellow turtleneck that ended right where cool gray dress pants began. The Rep almost shone against the dull walls of the hallway.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Audrey.”

“Hey.”

I smiled right back, briefly showing some teeth. The clothes I wore weren’t nearly as classy, but I’d made an effort to be neat. No band tee or denim jacket, instead an olive green button-up I’d barely ever worn and black jeans that could pass for dress pants at a glance. The Rep noticed from how I saw his eyes dart over my figure. 

“A different style, today.”

“You’re supposed to dress up when you meet your employer, right?”

“Such a smart girl.” The Rep bobbed his head. “I’m sure you hear that often, though. Come.”

My shoulders sagged the moment the Rep’s back turned to me. A slow, silent exhale failed to vent the tension gripping my body as I followed him out into the hallway. 

The door clunked shut behind me and I fought to keep my head from turning. There was something final about the noise, the way it echoed down the empty hallway. 

Step by step, my insides bristled as if molding into something unrecognizable. I pushed down the doubts that bubbled up and threatened to breach the quiet air. The Rep stopped in front of the elevator, and I froze slightly behind him. He did… nothing. Only stood, staring into the distance. Gaze firmly glued to his back, I waited. 

After what felt like an eternity, he reached out with a sturdy hand and pressed the button to go down. Air rushed up from my lungs and I realized I’d barely been breathing. Had to find some way to keep it together, find something to do.

“How long is the drive?” I raised an idle question, nothing that would provoke any kind of reaction.

A light ding announced the elevator doors opening.

“It should only be half an hour maximum.” The Rep answered calmly, walking inside. I followed, warped reflections of us two surrounding me on the dull metallic walls of the elevator. Without the knowledge that they were ours, they’d be unrecognizable.  

The elevator doors slid shut and I fought down a hitch of my breath. Gaze darting to the keypad, I confirmed the button for the lobby was lit up. A low rumble sounded from outside the elevator walls, accompanying the sensation of descent.

I glanced right, where the Rep was standing a foot or so away from me. He held himself perfectly straight, hands clasped behind his back. Despite that, he seemed completely comfortable. I couldn’t imagine being at ease in that position. Slouching slightly was my default, and I became aware I’d settled into that posture right now. 

Hazel eyes suddenly met mine, Rep’s head turning in an instant to catch me staring. I startled, barely keeping my feet anchored to the floor. Was I supposed to apologize? I didn’t have anything to apologize for. An amused chuckle surprised me even further.

“Sorry if I scared you.”

“It’s alright.”

I stared at the Rep’s innocent smile. He didn’t seem to have any clue what my intentions were, or the plan beyond that. That thought made my nerves and stomach feel a little less alien. Emphasis on little. 

Hanging on that thought, the elevator doors opened again, and the Rep wasted no time as he strode right out. There was usually at least someone around, but the lobby was unnaturally quiet today. I felt scared that if I thought too loud I’d be overheard. The tiled floor was freshly polished, but a closer look revealed the grime that built up in the cracks and lingered around the room’s edges. 

I was struck by the light that filtered through the glass of the front entrance. The mat directly in front of the revolving doors leading outside was noticeably brighter than the tile around it. The Rep was the first through, and as the doors spun in his wake, I caught a glimpse of the sky. Making sure not to lag behind, I followed through the entrance, stepping into a patch of sunlight.

As if a slice had been taken out of the murky gray ceiling, vivid blue peeked out where two clumps of cloud had split. Light bled down and as the Rep stood a step in front of me, his height blocked out the worst of the glare. My gaze moved to him from the sky and I realized he’d been staring up as well. The sweater he wore had already been colorful, but with the sun tracing it, the edges glistened. His shoulders slowly rose then fell.

“Nice, isn’t it?” He spoke into the air, like he was having a conversation with the sky.

“Yeah. Guess we brought coats for nothing.” 

The Rep shrugged, then beckoned me towards a sleek black sedan that sat parked at the curb. I don’t know why, but a part of me had expected to see a limo. It’s not like the car wasn’t nice, just different from the image I’d had in my head. 

“Shotgun?” The quip escaped my mouth before I’d fully thought it through. 

Hazel eyes locked with mine again, but there was a distinct lack of humor this time. My spine trembled as I instinctively reached past my brain into my “pocket”, finding the shape of bundled razor blades. 

“Not today, sorry.” The Rep’s expression lightened, one corner of his mouth curling upwards. It didn’t help the discomfort lingering down my back. “I have some things on the passenger side. The backseat’s prepared for you.”

Should I apologize? I didn’t know if I’d actually made a mistake or if I’d read too much into his look. The thought of saying anything else scared me, so I simply nodded and let him guide me inside the car. 

The seats were padded leather, dyed white and spotless. True to his word, the side door to the backseat had two plastic water bottles and a small trash bag nestled inside. A quick look towards the passenger confirmed there was a box taking up foot space. I made myself as close to comfortable as possible right now, leaning my back into the plush seat diagonal from the driver’s. 

With a click, the driver side door opened and the Rep leaned inside to make himself comfortable. I’d already known I was trapped, but now running wasn’t even an option. I held my head forward, resisting the urge to search over my shoulder for where the heroes might be trailing the car. Paper Trail hadn’t found out about my talk with Leah yet. Penitent didn’t know. His employees didn’t know. I had to believe that.

“Seatbelt.” The Rep stated matter of factly. 

I quickly obeyed. Glancing up at the rearview mirror, I saw the Rep’s eye’s leave me and focus on the road. The engine thrummed and we began to move. 

My stomach writhed in protest. The feeling was distant, as if it had stayed in place while the rest of me was taken ahead. I wanted more say in this, to not have my fate toyed with by groups I didn’t even know. 

Leah had laid the situation out clearly to me on that rooftop. The choices I’d made left me fucked. To her credit, she’d advocated for me on the ensuing call with her superiors. A discussion of my future had been stalled until after today. Dependent on the plan’s outcome. She’d asked me to trust her, and now that promise might be all I had.

Bile rose in my stomach.

“You know,” The Rep started, “I’ve thought about whether it would be possible to have a record player installed in the car.”

Ambient noise filtered in and I realized the radio had been turned on at some point. A pair of voices chatted at a low volume, crackling at the edges.

“Oh. How come?” I knew the reason, but couldn’t muster up anything else to say.

“Your records, of course.” The Rep chuckled lightly. “You could’ve brought some to play on the ride.”

Breathe. Find something to say about myself in response. Something normal. 

I quickly realized I wasn’t a very normal person. Something relatively close to normal.

“I don’t usually travel by car, so I haven’t actually thought about what music I’d want to listen to on a trip. Most of the time when I listen to music I sit somewhere comfy and-” Hesitation welled up inside me as I realized I was describing my coping mechanism. I pushed forward, “zone out.”

I saw the Rep nod as he said “Makes sense. That does sound comfortable.”

“Yeah. I like it.”

The scenery blurring through the windows transitioned from run-down complexes and dull factories to the sleek construction of downtown, buildings packed tightly together. It felt like being led into a canyon, towering walls on each side boxing me in. 

I became suddenly aware as the industrial district was left behind that I’d never stopped by George’s this week, never listened to the eighties metal albums he’d told me about. That had been Monday last week. Before I’d traveled to the warehouse to meet with Devin and everything spiraled out of control. Craning my neck close to the window, I looked up at the sky. I couldn’t find any patches of sunlight.

“That’s one of the benefits of this work. Comfortability. Much better than the alternative side.”

My attention snapped back inside the car, nails scratching against the smooth material that lined the door.

“The alternative side?”

“The NHA, of course.”

Nails tried to dig in deeper, anchor me, but the door’s surface was tougher than it seemed. I asked my lungs to push air up slower. It didn’t work. I willed myself to find some control, anything.

“Have you compared the two?” I found the best response I could. Put the question back on him, have him talk instead of me. 

“Of course. I imagine everyone on this side of things has at some point.” The Rep paused to make a right turn, checking both ways on the street. “You give up so much freedom. Alterhuman or not, you’ll be made to sacrifice yourself.”

The words hung in the air. 

“That makes sense.” My throat stressed as the response left. I didn’t disagree.

Our motion gently slowed to halt. I saw a mass of red lights through the windows, a jam of cars all around us.

“The media is a whole other issue. Accountability is what they claim, but they want to dig and reveal anything they can get from the NHA. It’s especially hard if you want to stay independent from your family.”

I nodded in agreement as distant shivers haunted my skin. I didn’t know what to make of this, didn’t want to read into all the cues. As long as we got to the meeting point with Penitent, it didn’t matter. 

“Is the traffic going to be a problem?” My voice came out a little weaker than I’d meant it to. 

“No.” The Rep’s voice was firm. He reached a hand down to shift the car into park. 

“Penitent doesn’t care if we’re late?” 

The Rep’s face found mine, his body angled around the driver seat. I stared into his eyes, finding only a faint light reflected in them.

“The meeting began as soon as you entered the car.”

Breath froze in a hollow container. Hazel eyes held mine, patient as realization set in. Fear followed, strangling any thoughts that tried to form in the moments after.

Penitent waited, tiny curves and hints of enjoyment at the edges of the stern lines of his face.

How could I have been so stupid? 

As my mind whirred into action, finding different options to get myself out, Penitent spoke again.

“You’re useful, Audrey, and I would prefer not to hurt you.”

His words halted any drastic steps I was about to take. The shape of my switchblade and the razor blades lingered in my mind. I nodded slowly. If he was going to give me an out, or even information that might help, I was going to listen. 

“It’s cruel of the heroes to put you in this situation, using you as bait.” Penitent’s gaze lingered on me expectantly.

“Yes.” I answered, and I didn’t have to lie. I hated that this had been the best plan they could come up with.

“I’ve learned quite a bit about you in our brief time together. You take pride in independence. You prefer to be alone.” 

Too much of myself had been ripped out in the last few days. A numbness coated my body, but the numbness hurt in its own, different way. What he said sounded right.

“Am I correct?”

I nodded. 

“You’re rightfully scared of what the heroes will do to the life you’ve built. You think there’s no way back from the path you’ve been set on.”

I felt where this was leading. A familiar place for villains I worked under. Commitment. 

“I’m going to give you a choice. You can keep working for me under our previous arrangement. Nothing more required. All will be forgiven, and I will protect you from outside influence.”

It didn’t make sense. It would be so easy for him to threaten me using his power. To hurt me. I couldn’t help but question this. It was too good to be true.

“Why?” 

Penitent’s smile had the warm kindness from earlier, but his eyes were still utterly focused. I couldn’t release any of the tension occupying my body.

“Giving people what they want is one of my skills. I prefer to be hands-on, and that's why I’ve been successful.”

A rope was being dangled down, and the thought of it shined a light through the darkness I’d fallen into for so long. Leah and the heroes brought so much confusion. It was tiring, being scared of what each day would bring. I wanted to blast the music I loved without being reminded of who introduced it to me. I wanted to take care of myself without having to face authority or those trying to “help”. I wanted to have my own space, without the threat of people getting close to me. That’s how I’d survived this long, right?

“Yes,” I spoke through a dry throat, “that’s what I want.”

Finally, the gentle glow returned to Penitent’s eyes. I started to feel my breathing again.

“Excellent, Audrey.”

This was it, right? We could escape and I could start rebuilding.

“I’m very proud, but there’s one more thing I’d like to ask of you.”

“What is it?” I asked quickly, anxious to have this settled.

Penitent filled my vision, the promise of hope lightening my body.

“Tell me Oracle’s name.”

Everything stopped. Why? Why this?

Obeying Penitent made sense. I was so close to having everything I wanted. More than that, the safety to guarantee it would stay that way. By contrast, working with Leah and the heroes meant challenging who I was, facing the parts of myself that scared me the most. I tried to remind myself of echoing, rot-infested hallways, the inevitable scene that happy futures I imagined turned into. Remind myself I’d hurt the people I cared about, lose them regardless. The image didn’t appear. No matter what I instructed myself to think, a pressure from my heart resisted, seized control.

Tell him her name. Say Leah Ethel out loud.

I wouldn’t. 

“Audrey.” Penitent spoke in a low drawl. 

I met his eyes, silent except for a series of steady breaths. Defiant.

“The heroes are waiting for us to arrive at a meeting point.” Distant honking reminded me of the situation outside. Part of Penitent’s trap, likely. “I’ll kill you right here in this car if you don’t respond.”

My choice had already been made. I shook with terror, didn’t want to die, but better my life than Leah’s or another alterhuman. They’d suffered and survived the same experiences I had. I knew, no matter how much I told myself otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I shut this out. 

As I ventured into my “pocket” to find the bundle of razors, I could feel how distant all the little objects that made my apartment home were. I’d been prepared to leave everything behind, but it didn’t make this any easier. 

I suppose I’d been inching towards this without realizing. Believing I still had time to hold on had been nice for a minute. 

Attention set firmly on Penitent’s pretty skin, I pushed the razors from my “pocket”. As his stern expression was covered by blades of metal, the band holding them together snapped, sending them flying across his face. I didn’t have time to verify the result. Reaching through my head, I found the next thing I needed. A flare. Quickly setting a spot under the windshield, I urged it outside, the bright light making me close my eyes for a moment as it blurred into reality.

Still in the darkness of my own eyelids, my body jarred backwards, slamming against the seat. 

The wind was knocked out of me and my vision blurred as I opened my eyes. Mouth hanging open, I gasped for air, specks of red on white slowly molding back into the shape of the passenger seat. 

A protrusion caught my attention as I tried to turn and find the driver seat. Something like a giant pin or needle poked outwards from the bottom of my vision. It was sleek and dark, solid as the rest of my surroundings spun. My neck strained as I tilted my head downwards to look. Trying to move the rest of my body came with a dull feeling I couldn’t describe, something like resistance. As I saw the full picture, I realized why.

The pin was embedded in my shoulder, spearing straight through into the padded leather behind me. My vision blurred again, the amount of red flowing through my shirt centered in my view as I tried to push my head upward again. Blood, I knew. The deep red pulsed and grew before fading as the driver seat came into focus. Penitent had opened the door, his back visible as he hurriedly escaped. I could almost laugh at that, though I didn’t know why.

As the pain began to set in, a large figure landed with a crash on the hood of the car and the inside exploded with glass.